Now

So, for the past three days I have been talking to my ex. He started by calling me saying that he was three moinutes away from where I lived and that he wanted to talk to me. Like the sap that I am, I went outside and waited. I sat in the back of my beat down maroon pick up truck nd gazed off into the stars. Five miutes or so passed before I saw his car pull up beside my neighbors house. He got out, and walked slowly towards me. (Its funny; the day he first asked me out was very much like this night: breezy, clear and warm.) When he was close enough to me, I started to make pleanty room for him to have a seat on the tail of my truck, but he went straight for instead, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. I didn't know what to do then, so I just let it happen. I was too suprised to really say no, but I was angry and sad, and happy that he did. I slowly moved my arms around his waist and greeted his hug with my own. We sat in the back of my truck for nealry an hour, just talking about everything that happened and more. Eventually he got to his point though. He wants me back. He says that he is an idiot for doing what he did to me, and that he regrets it. He loves me very much...
What kind of person would I be if i just let him walk right back into my life, after breaking my heart (again), and leaving me for my best friend? An idiot. Thats what I would be. I love him. And as much as I want him and I to be together again, I'm torn between wanting to just be with him, and forgettig him entirley. I mean, why should I have such strong feelings for him still? I shoud want to forget him, all of him and I, and move on. I should not still long for his warm embrace like the other night. I should hate him, and want to seek revenge. Then why don't I? Why should I still love him still? What should I do?

Recently

Recently, in this past week and a half, my boyfriend broke up with me. He came over on a Wednesday the 21st of July, dressed up and ready to go out to dinner with his family. His reason for breaking up with me was "we're just too different of people." I said the same exact phrase not but a week before he had, and before I could really finish the phrase he jumped in, very adamantly, saying he thought it could work; that he didn't want to give up on such a good thing like me. So, I sat there confused, angry, and heart broken as he said it's over. Before he left he asked me if I wanted a hug. I didn't respond right away. I sat there starting to drift off from this reality. He called my name and finally I answered, "I don't know". He then proceeded to stand up off the couch and walk towards me. He Lifted me up in his arms; one arm under the crooks of my knees and the other on my back. He pulled me close to him, my head rested near his neck and upper chest. He just held me. I didn't know what to think, I felt so overwhelmed and confused. I wanted to do so much more than just sit there, cradled, but I couldn't think.He started to move a little and so I got up off of him, and stood there awkwardly for a moment. As he started to leave, I walked quickly to my room, but as I heard the door slam behind me, I froze. I leaned on a wall in the hallway next the the front door. I slowly slid down the wall, and cried...